I knew it would be a good day when I got up this morning and my lovely wife Andrea had already prepared some smoked corn beef hash to get me energized for my first day of football. A full meal, and 6 re-runs of Seinfeld later, I was out the door and on my way to practice. Many of you are wondering, “Todd, you’re a 12 year veteran, millionaire, scholar, big home, great hair, flawless dental hygiene, lovely wife, seductive mistress, can throw a ball 30 yards…what else do you need to prove?” Well fans, my love of football, academia and sight-seeing is why I’m your city’s starting QB in 2006. Would you believe that a young Todd Collins was a Political Science Major at U of M??? I was destined for DC!
A few weeks ago, I received a call from Al Saunders alerting me that he was leaving Kansas City. Folks, I’m a reasonable man, but poke me in the wrong hole and unleash the fire within Todd Collins. Needless to say, I was devastated. This was the man that turned me from a young, inexperienced starting QB with a 69.5 rating, to a wily, experienced, NFL veteran whose 106.3 rating in 2001, 156.9 rating in 2002 and 90.3 rating in 2003 has been recently compared to Peyton Manning’s current run. Anyhoo, I was quite upset with Mr. Saunders leaving me behind and let him know my angst. Big Al let me know how important to the Chiefs I was and that he atrributed Trent Green’s success, Priest Holmes’ TD record, LJ’s leap to greatness and even his own fathering children to my time as a backup QB. Papa Al assured me that I would soon be a Redskin. I was a little fearful of leaving Kansas City where I had grown accustomed, and becoming a Redskin, but I was made to feel like a priority in DC.
Soon after calming down due to the talks with Big Al and those three late night waitresses at The Cheesecake Factory, I took time to relax. I packed my swim trunks, scuba gear and fishing rod and headed to the Bahamas with the family. Skinheads, you’re probably wondering what I would do without Cheesecake for two months, but Todd Collins if nothing if not a versatile man and one great seafood cook, so I made due with my resources. Unknown to me, Vinny Cerrato was quietly wondering what it would take to lure me to the nation’s capitol. So, I’m enjoying some mahi-mahi on the porch with Andrea when I get a call to come to the front of our cabin. Would you believe what I saw??? A limo with a young driver who called himself Daniel Snyder coming to take me to the airport. Mr. Snyder seemed like a nice man who was quite the Skinhead and seemed to be selling me on their organization. So we get to the airport and into a Redskins plane. I rode in the passenger area with Mr. Snyder, who seemed to know a lot for a limo driver, and spoke of his heated racquetball games with Mr. Cerrato (probably why Mr. Snyder drives his limo). As I dozed off, I noticed Mr. Snyder checking out my chiseled face and well conditioned hair which made me a little uncomfortable.
So, I see DC for the first time and I’m sold. It’s Saturday night and Mr. Gibbs, Mr. Saunders, Adam, his girl, Antwaan, Andre and myself are in a hot tub with a few lady friends and two hostesses from the Chinatown La Tasca – obviously the Redskins are playing hardball. Seeing how much my new teammates enjoyed the swinging lifestyle that I do, I knew we would all be instant friends. Six sangrias, three mojitos, one and a half Colt 45’s, and $2.5 million later, I was a Washington Redskin.
Phew, catching up on all those months has made me too tired to write about practice…but don’t fear Skinheads, I’m going to catch you up on my preseason and sightseeing journeys in the upcoming weeks.
Todd Collins
# 15
