Entry #6: The Season Begins

Is this why I came to Washington? I mean, I know I’m a political science major and enjoy a good sightseeing tour on Friday’s, but come on Gibbs, did you watch those two poor excuses for a QB during the preseason? I gave you my projected stats over a full season, and you threw it in my face. It’s a good thing Cindy put extra grenadine in my ST today, and this Honey-Maple Pork Tenderloin is soothing my soul, or else this could be a fierce post.

Breathe….Breathe….Breathe…

Did Marcy Brunell ever post a rating of 156.9??? Heck, did he ever even reach 92??? I don’t think so. Did you know that Marcy has thrown 72 INTs since my last one?!?!?! I stand tough in the pocket throwing TDs to Buck Ortega and Jimmy Farris and Marcy can’t hit Santana, Antwaan or Peppermint Patty.

Breathe…Breathe….Breathe…

Ok, sorry Skinheads, but it still stings, thankfully Papa Al has been helping me get through this.

Time for the football update. Week 1 – we lost to a team that didn’t make the playoffs last year and Marcy threw for no scores….big 51 yard drive for a field goal, way to go. Week 2 – another team that didn’t make the playoffs wallops us as if we were Braintree High School trying to come into Walpole and compete with the Rebels. This time Marcy throws for an INT and again, no scores. Great we’re 0-2 and Rock Cartwright can provide our only “offense.” You know what though? I’m still confident. In 1996, I beat out Alex Van Pelt and Billy Joe Tolliver for the starting job with the Buffalo Bills, overmatched six names to two, I became the starter for the season and the next year started my interception streak.

Well, after the Minnesota debacle on Monday Night Football, Chris and I decided to accept the invitation from “Dirty Viking” and headed out to the Georgetown Waterfront where we got onto a highly lucrative yacht which shall go unnamed. Chris brought some other cheerleader friends who he had become friendly with from past hot tub bonding and I gathered up my three girls, Rachel, Alexandra and Katie and we boarded. “Captain Smut” who was fairly familiar with the DC area and the waters of the Potomac, greeted us and showed us to the hot tub and open bar. I wore an extra spiffy suit to this after party, tailor made for me when I became friends with a young LBC click featuring Snoop Dogg and Dre’ during the 1992 Rose Bowl in Pasadena when I helped write “Nothin’ but a G Thang” about then Michigan starting QB, Elvis Grbac. Little did I know that the no bathing suits in the hot tub policy would quickly send me down below my skivvies. Chris felt a little uncomfortable with this, given present company such as “Smut,” but TC has nothing to fear in that department. So, I don’t remember much after that, but clearly the Week 1 after party was better than the game.

Week 2’s party was a little less eventful as we were in Dallas and not the friendly confines of Washington DC. I’m still good friends with Terry Glenn from our playing days at Michigan and OSU so he introduced me to some famous Cowboy cheerleaders. Terry knows how to party and we caught up on old times from our hotel room beds after hitting up a local Max & Erma’s (Terry’s choice). I almost forgot, I ran into a bunch of people who called themselves Skinheads while in a late night eatery down here. Apparently they shave their heads in support of our team and I was sorry to let them down by losing, but they seemed to like my blonde hair and blue eyes.

Ok, sorry about my anger today, but I should get going. Great pork tenderloin and a lovely wife waiting at home. Ok, enjoy your nights.

Todd Collins
# 15

Entry #5: Is there a better preseason QB?

Good evening ladies. TC here and let me tell you that I am uber excited for this blog. So I’m treating myself to a King’s feast here at the CF…2 STs, a Banana Banshee, Singapore Sling, Tex-Mex Eggrolls, Hawaiian Pizza, Thai Chicken Pasta and a tiramisu cheesecake. After all, don’t I deserve it?

A: Week 4 of the preseason. Q: Why is Todd Collins so festive? That’s correct! For all you that missed it, here’s a recap. We strapped on our boots, put on our uniforms, and were greeted vigorously by about 60,000 skinheads cheering us on. As you remember, Coach Gibbs gave me week 3 off, other than one completion, so that I can soak in my homecoming. I’ve been playing very well recently, so Papa Al wanted me to get the majority of snaps in this week’s game. After all, I’m still fighting for the starting job and I felt this was a large message being sent to Marcy and Jasmine, especially with local media wanting me to have the job. So Marcy gets the first quarter and as usual, we don’t score. Does anyone else realize that we haven’t scored a point all preseason with him in there? Jasmine comes in for the second quarter, 3 points. Thanks ladies, leave me with the backups, down 14-3 and let me try to make another comeback. The numbers speak for themselves…one half, 13 for 22, 201 yards, 1 TD and of course, no interceptions. Let’s be scholarly for a second and average that over a full game…26 for 44, 402 yards, 2 TDs, and still no interceptions. Now stick with me, let’s multiply that by 16…416 for 704 for a 60% completion percentage, 6,432 yards, 32 TDs, and still 0 INT’s – folks has that ever been done? Ok, so I’m pretty happy about week 4 and think I might be #1a on the depth chart soon. And even though I am a team player, I am far too much of a scholar to take any blame for this loss.

Looking ahead, we’ve got a home game against Minnesota in week 1 and I’m looking forward to getting in there and improving on my preseason. I got an anonymous call from “Dirty Viking” inviting me on his boat after our game so I’m going to talk to Chris Cooley, Rachel, Alexandra and Katie about joining them for some cocktails. I’ll let you know how it goes next week.

I’ve enjoyed this blog because it’s been a good week and a good meal. I think I’ll even pay here and go home to Andrea tonight. Have a good night.

Todd Collins
#15