Entry #14: Week 16 Preview

Hey there lonely strangers, it’s been a long day and I finally got a chance to sit down and let you know what would happen in week 16 if I were playing. It’s great to get off my feet and sit here at the Cheesecake Factory while munching on Firecracker Salmon Rolls and sipping on a Gin Rickey.

As I said, it’s been a long day. I woke up around 10 which usually means I’d have to rush to eat Andrea’s corn beef hash, down some OJ for my daily Vitamin C intake and run off to practice. However, since I won’t be joining the team in St. Louis, I was able to slowly enjoy the savory flavor of Andrea’s cooking. After a good few hours of eating and watching Cold Pizza, I was ready to take on my Friday.

The bulk of my day was spent sitting in front of my PlayStation 3 and simulating Week 16 on Madden 2007. Knowing these are quite scintillating, I thought I’d sit and watch so I can report on these for my first weekly preview. I simulated a game with Jason and a game with yours truly…here’s what happened:

Redskins v. Rams with Jason: This was quite the nail biter. Down 14-7 going into the 4^th, JC leads a nice drive down the field and hits Lloyd for a 29 yd TD pass to tie it up. Rams respond with bruising drive to take the lead 21-14 with 1:05 remaining. Time to work a little TC magic, unfortunately I’m helplessly watching on my futon. JC runs up the middle for 19 yards, gets up and spikes the ball. An inexcusable sack on 3rd and 5 sets up a 4^th and 11. Time for Al and Gibbs to call the most important play of the game. In a move that can only be explained by draft position, a handoff to Betts gets 10 yards...Game over. Jason completed a whopping 6 passes. However, one of the TDs went to Chris, so I’m sure we had a fun cyber hot tub afterwards.

Campbell: 6/13, 107 yards, 2 TD, 1 INT, 82.4 Rating, 3 sacks
Moss: 2 catches, 62 yds
Lloyd: 2, 38 yds, 1 TD
Cooley: 1, 1 yd, 1 TD

Redskins @ Rams with TC: I think Madden picked up on how disinterested I’ve been lately because I did not bring it. Knowing I’ve been demanding a trade to the Giants, I’m pretty sure Al was calling his “D” game from the sidelines. First pass of the game and the remarkable happens, Virtual TC throws a virtual interception – I have to question the "realistic" nature of this game. Anyway, I only finished about half before I ate too many Christmas cookies and fell asleep Al Bundy style.

Collins: 1/12, 12 yards, 3 INTs in one half.

But, if the Virtual TC is anything like the Real TC, yours truly, then he no doubt led the Skins to a dramatic comeback victory in the second half. Sorry Skinheads.

Todd Collins
#15

Entry #13: Apologetic

Good day sunshines. Skinheads, let me take a minute to apologize for the three week absence from my diary. Tis’ the season and TC has been quite busy with holiday shopping among thousands of other adventures. So, I can’t share my entire few weeks worth of frolicking all into one blog, but let me give you a tasty treat, just like these Buffalo Blasts. Boy, I sure did miss the Cheesecake Factory! However, I give my word that from now on this is a weekly blog, if not bi-weekly, just like a certain Philly QB. Also, be sure to look for my first annual “Game Preview” column tomorrow.

You might have noticed that Jason has been playing my position for the past few weeks. You might have also noticed that I haven’t had a snap. You might have also noticed that we are well into last place. Coincidence? TC is a team player, that’s fo’ sho’, but why did Papa Al bring me here if not to pull a Doug Williams? So, basically, I’ve given up on the season which is why I no longer attend games nor really watch them on TV. But I’ve been reading some box scores and making up highlights in my head…and I’m intrigued by a few things.

First of all, some player personnel I’ve noticed. What happened to Little Nicky Novak? All that man did was win us a game against the first place Cowboys. I guess he must have athletes foot or something because I haven’t read about him lately. In case you missed it we signed some kid named Suisham who sounds delicious. Anyway, he seems to be kicking pretty straight, but good luck in recovery Nick. Secondly, I’ve also noticed that Jason is neglecting Yoder, much to my chagrin. Moreover, Ladell Betts is quite the equivalent to Portis so I’d like to offer up a trade to the Giants – Clinton and myself for Ose Yumenyiora and Mathias Kiwanuka. It’s a fair trade. The Giants get TC to Amani Toomer throwing it around like it was 1993 in Ann Arbor plus a RB to replace Tiki, while Washington gets two guys whose names I can’t pronounce so I don’t want them as teammates.

From what I can gather, we lost two in a row to Atlanta and Philadelphia. Jeff Garcia is now playing QB for Philadelphia, which is quite fitting. Anyways, Jason decides that it’s acceptable to throw to the other team 4 times, well against my tutelage. However, it’s fine and we’re 4-9 – great draft position, perhaps a little Leon Hall or Alan Branch for some Wolverine love. What occurred next really tickled my torso. I don’t know about you, but I’ve fallen in love with the New Orleans Saints – America’s team. What a story that has become. So who decides to piss all over America’s wedding day??? Jason Campbell. Not only did he ruin our own draft position, but he might have also destroyed what would have been a great Disney movie starring silly Hobbit and McConoughey.



So what’s TC been up to? Well, my time away from football has been refreshing. A few things I’ve been doing. #1 – partying it up with Britney and Paris. Knowing that I wasn’t playing and Britney was now single, I figured I didn’t have anything to lose. #2 – PlayStation 3. #3 – Flying around the country to scout my fantasy football players for the playoffs in my keeper league. That’s been about it, but I can guarantee that the hot tub has been staying spicy.

That’s about it. Again, I apologize and I’m thinking about making it out to our next game if it’s in Washington. I haven’t checked the schedule yet but you’ll be sure to hear soon.

Todd Collins
#15