Entry #26: Separated at Birth

Todd Collins:............................Tom Brady:

Folks of Skinhead and Wolverine nations alike, it occurred to me while watching my Patriots take on my current employer that there are many similarities between TC and TB. As you have previously read, there is a "conflict of interest" in my playing a game against the Patriots due to being a local legend in Walpole, Foxboro and neighboring communities. Therefore, as per usual, I was in the locker room hot-tub dining on some Cheesecake Factory Baja Chicken Tacos during the 4th quarter listening to the announcers marvel over TB's hair.

As a junior at the University of Michigan, myself and Lloyd Carr boarded a jet plane for a recruiting trip to look at a young, immature and chisled bone structured Californian QB named Tom Brady. After watching Brady's Junipero Serra High School go down in flames during a West Catholic Athletic League contest against the Archbishop Mitty Monarchs, Lloyd was ready to call it a day. We walked into the Junipero Serra locker room to see a dejected TB head-in-hands. I convinced Lloyd to let me have some time alone with the young lad and see what kind of moxie and presence he had. I made my way to the young TB and noticed that his grooming and hair were still intact as if he were ready to go straight to the club after putting on a black button-down. Perfect grooming was a vintage TC move during my Michigan days and I am often credited with making helmet hair a thing of the past... I could see the potential in TB. So we both got into a towel and slipped into the hot-tub where we talked about life, local cheerleaders, grooming techniques and the latest men's fashion as zuba's and starter jackets were making their way out. It was this brief hot-tub, air drying, and eyebrow plucking experience that convinced me to offer him a scholarship on the spot to become the next great Michigan QB.

After watching the Pats this week, I went back to evaluate the ways in which TB has truly become a younger TC. I'd like to share with you some of our numerous similarities. First of all, many football americano historians have considered TB's 2007 season to be the best single season since my 2002 season with the Kansas City Chiefs. In that year, I completed 83% of my passes while having 0 INTs and a QB rating of 156.9, which slightly trumps TB's 74.2 competion percentatge, 2 INTs and 136.2 QB rating. You might have noticed that TB considers me a big brother after taking him under my tutolage at Michigan. In order to honor my legacy in Ann Arbor, TB chose to wear my previously retired #10 for the maize and blue...however, if you look closer at the side by side pictures, TB also uses my same ball grip, uses my hand-me-down towel, similarly cut pants, same sock length and shaves his legs before every game. If I didn't know Mr. Collins better I'd have to check his flight records to make sure he wasn't on a "business trip"t0 California nine months prior to August 3, 1977.

Speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Collins...I was able to bring Victoria home this week to get a review from the 'rents. Unfortunately, after an awkward dinner, I was forced to send her on the first bus out of Walpole when she insulted Mrs. Collins mashed potatoes. However, TC must move on and fall back on the support of my lovely wife Andrea.

Well, that's enough about TB + TC = Awesomeness. Let's move on to this past week's game...The Redskins lost by a lot of points. However, I was able to take plenty of notes for Papa Al and Uncle Joe concerning how to play the game of football, and I am confident that the right game plan will beat the Patriots when we meet them in the Super Bowl. However, since whatever TC doodles on his clipboard is top secret information, I can not share this information with my fellow bloggers at this present time. Many Skinheads feel that the Patriots ran up the score on the Redskins, but TC taught TB to take no prisoners when at the University of Michigan. In fact, every Friday night when at the UofM, TB would call yours truly and I would tell him to go "balls deep" all game...there's only one speed that us Wolverines know. So, therefore I would like to apologize for the score being 52-7 this week. Had I not been involved and the Patriots not run up the score, I'm sure it would have been a more respectable 45-7.

I loved my time back home in Walpole and Foxboro and it was good to get the royal treatment from the local mortals. I'm gonna miss Mrs. Collins' homemade feasts and Mr. Collins' bed-time stories, but I'll be happy to get back to my Georgetown estate, .10 cent wings and $1 beers. I'll talk to you all after we take on the terrific trio of David Harris, Victor Hobson, BJ Askew and the 3rd place Jets.

Todd Collins

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