Saturday, January 5, 2008

Live Bloggin': Playoff Edition!

7:50 - To quote the Beatles, "now it's time to say goodnight to the 2007 season."

:30 - Ok, i know what you're thinking. TC throws an interception, the apocalypse is coming, let's go score some drugs, hit the strip club, and go down in a blaze of glory. Not so fast...since that INT came in the post-season it doesn't really count against my stats...right? Anyway, there will be a Disney movie about this game by the end, so stay tuned.

7:17 -
Laron smoooooth.

7:15 -
So TC's no prophet, just a savior. Damnit Suisham, where did we find this guy anyway? I know I've never heard of him before this year. Only 14-13. To quote George Michael, "you gotta have faith."

7:08 -
You're welcome for my brilliance. To quote Warrant - "TCs my Cherry Pie." I don't know when people are going to stop doubting....whoa, our ball. I'll be back when it's 21-13

7:00 -
To quote Badfinger - "there is no real perfection...unless it's Todd Collins' quarterback rating in the 4th quarter." I'm feeling pretty good, although my back's a little sore from carrying this team.

6:43 -
Ok, only 13-0. TC scores at least twice every night, so don't worry about this one. We're gonna use some secret weapons for this drive.

6:34 -
Keep hope alive! Just remember I taught Tom Brady and Matt Hassleback everything they know. I haven't lost a game since 1997, so there's no reason to get your panties in a bunch. TC loves drama. So let's just think happy thoughts and everything will be ok. In TC we trust!

Halftime -
Sometimes you just gotta cut your losses. Therefore, I will be playing the second half by myself on offense. Halftime Entertainment.

5:54 -
God blessed me with good looks, perfect features, wonderful hygiene and enough sex appeal to be GQ Man of the Year. However, it is also the reason that Seattle can't keep their hands off of me as if I were a New Kid on the Block circa 1990. Wow, our ball already...unfortunately there's three minutes left, or else the two minute drill would be in full effect.

5:43 -
Peterson of Michigan St. might have gotten me that time, but he can not make up for the decades of whoopings that my Wolverines have given his Spartans. But none of that is relevant right now. Don't worry Skins fans, Captain Collins is weathering the storm on this loveboat and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out.

5:31 -
This is not going exactly as planned. I can't believe that someone would not be able to hear my manly and boisterous voice while I'm calling for the snap. We might have to get into the locker room so that I can give the offense a piece of my mind. It's as if I'm wasting my greatness today. I wonder if the Patriots will pick me up to start next week if we're eliminated today....hmmm.

5:22 -
Someone keep Kerney away from me...I think he's got the hots for TC. This is why Gibbs needs to listen to me - none of this stuff happens if Mark takes out his knees. uh-oh, back on the field

- While I continue to throw wonderfully tight and accurate spirals, things just aren't clicking yet. I'm going to talk to Coach Gibbs about sending Brunell in to make a run at Kerney's knees....TC does not enjoy a man laying on top of him. It's nice to see a fellow New England quarterback on the field. Although lacking the prowess of dating supermodels or perfect symmetrical features, Hasselback has served the state of Massachusetts quite proudly. Time to play...

5:01 -
Do all the ladies get excited every time Smootalicious touches the ball or is it just me? Anyway, I got ready for my fourth ever playoff drive...but twas not meant to be :..( Oh well, time to go un-pause my game of Tetris.

4:52 -
Although TC was flawless on that drive, the rest of the crew is cracklin' under the pressure of such a meaningful game. The excitement of a playoff game and the season premier on American Gladiators is a lot to handle for one weekend. However, the TC legend continues to throw as I am quickly establishing a reputation as the King of Swing passes.

4:40 -
Man it's louder than an Enya concert in here. A quick three and out, and I can go finish my pre-game pilates before my next drive. Although I appreciate how well our defense is playing, I must say that it's been tough to complete all sideline rituals between drives. Nice, a little Pearl Jam before commercial...Alive, just like TC.

- Ladies and Gentlemen. After 36 years and 1/5th of my life, it's playoff time for TC. Although I come into this game with plenty of experience from the 1996 wild card match up against the Jaguars when I threw a few dropped passes. Papa Al has assured me that we're gonna throw more than 4 times, so my career high should be passed shortly. I'm currently air drying while waiting for the game to start. I like to get deeply entranced in meditation before games. Anything that TC visualizes will come true. Alright boys, let's go get 'em TC style....back in a bit!


Anonymous said...

come on todd.get that frown off your face and get us some points!

Anonymous said...

TC -- time to yell at that O-line and those receivers -- they are dragging you and the team down!!

Trey said...

We might need to clone a few TC's for the second half.

Anonymous said...

you rule composed

Warrior1971 said...

TC, wish it could have ended better, but thanks for atleast getting us to the playoffs. Get your contract worked out and maybe we can go to the big show next season. Again thanks for helping get the Redskins to the playoffs, we sure did need that boost. Ok now enough of that, bring on 2008 season, I am rady to roll already.

Sharkproof said...


Thanks for the very cool blog, not only did your play make the season worth watching the end of the season fun for the first time since Joe came back, but this hilarious blog gave it a fresh new dimension. Hopefully, the team resigns you and their is an open competition for QB next year. After such a frustrating career and possessing so much talent you deserve to end it with the chance to start a whole season. Of course I wanted you to start last season in front of the impotent Mark Brunell who was as painful to watch play QB as would be kissing ones sister.

Thanks guys for creating this blog and keeping it real after the heat about this blog was lit.

Hopefully, if TC gets resigned you will continue with this next year.

Anonymous said...

If you sign for the patriots who would start? surely 10 years without an int/loss cant go unnoticed. Go TC!!!!

Anonymous said...


Will you follow Papa Al if he gets fired?

Anonymous said...


I don't think that kissing your sister is all that painful. Tell her I'll return her calls later.

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