Greetings skinheads, and happy Columbus Day! I know it's been a while since you've heard from the 'ol TC but I have much to share with you about the comings and goings of your favorite NFL QB. With Papa Al and my mentor Trent Green of the illustrious St. Louis Rams in for the weekend, you can imagine how busy the past few days have been. After yesterday's game, the three of us went to celebrate the victory with a hayride to the pumpkin fields out in Poolesville -- not too far from Dan's waterside mansion.
Papa Al has always been like a father to me, and Trent often like a second father. As you know, these kinds of relationships are completely legal back in my home state. Anyway, while we were riding on that tractor, they asked me all about the Redskins and the great success we've been having the past few weeks. I told them all about the arrival of Me-so-Zorny and how his first phone call once he got the job was to yours truly. He told me quite clearly that he wanted me to be the starter, and his featured weapon in the west coast offense. I explained to Zorn that I don't have time to learn a new offense, but I'd start coaching him on Papa Al's 700 page playbook as soon as he was ready.
By the end of the August, Zorneezy still didn't have a good feel for the system. He wanted me to play against the Giants in week 1 but I told him that simply wasn't possible. I hadn't anticipated having to work on a Thursday, and my schedule was already booked with a casting call for Terminator 4. I didn't get the part, but my long lost brother Christian Bale did, and I'm happy to settle for producer creds on the film. Anyway, long story short, I was back on the sidelines calling plays in week 2, and that has made all the difference.
"Why didn't you play in the games, TC?" I know that's the question that's been on all of your minds, and the cause of many sleepless nights. My friends, let me put your unease to rest. Many have forgotten the tragedy of September 8, 2008. On that fateful day, the second greatest QB in NFL history, my friend and mentee Tom Brady, went down with a career threatening injury. With hours of blood, sweat, and guts invested in his development back at the University of Michigan, I was worried that my legacy might be tarnished. I had to scramble to find my next successor, because all bets are off with Tom now. Little did I realize that the next TC and TB was right here on the skins... Yes, Mr. Brennan, or CB as I call him now, combines the best of TC and TB, minus the Ts. But it goes further than that gentlemen, and of course, you lovely ladies. Just take a gander at these tea leaves fellas:
T O D D C O L L I N S
C O L T B R E N N A N
Our names are the same length, and have the same number of letters. And while I'm not ashamed to point out that Todd is the best first name in the English language, theres no denying that Colt is a distant second. Yes folks, I've been training CB to be the next great QB of the world. I know you saw what he did this preseason, and believe me, that's just the beginning. With so much on my plate in calling the plays, developing Zorn, and grooming CB to take this team over, I haven't had time to play any downs. But rest assured skinheads, once we make the playoffs I will clear some time to play.
Ok, time to give Colt makeover #1.