Entry #8: .2857142857

Well Skinheads, it’s sad but true, but your Washington football team has now lost three games in a row. As I sat here with a Mai Tai in my left hand and my #2 pencil in my right, I worked out the long division to many decimal points and have determined that our winning percentage is now .2857142857. Why go beyond two decimal points? As Coach Murphy taught me at Walpole High, go beyond expectations, and TC feels that most settle for two. Scholarly??? I thought so.

Well, we’ve lost three games in a row. That’s the bad news. The good news is that I’m getting quite accustomed to my seat on the bench and worked it out with the rest of the team to have dibs every home game. So, I’ve ordered my own personal large misty fan for my seat and an espresso machine. Against Jacksonville I created an online account with Manny & Olga’s and ordered an Italian Sub during the 3^rd quarter, which was delivered straight to my chair on the sidelines. I’m becoming a regular in this city already.

Let’s recap: Week 5, we get walloped by the Giants and Mark decides to put on his skirt and reveal Marcy once again. Apart from a great 42 yard drive in which she contributed 17 yards, Marcy led our offense to 0 points and barely threw for over 100 yards. I might have complained to Papa Al, who actually asked me to get ready about 5 times, but I enjoyed the New York nightlife a little too much to feel like warming up anyway. Amani Toomer and I developed a strong connection on the field at the Big House in Ann Arbor and off the field at local bars such as Touchdowns and Scorekeepers, where they called us White Lightning and Black Shadow. Our code names were definitely in effect as we took to Manhattan for our post game celebrations after sharing the hot tub with some special friends.

Week 6 featured our most surprising, but far from only, loss of the season thus far. I decided to call Cindy from The Friendship Heights Cheesecake Factory and she personally delivered a Pesto Chicken Pizza and a Blackened Chicken Sandwich for me to share with Jason on my personal bench seat, figuring Marcy had this one in the bag. I also asked our equipment manager, Brad Berlin, to put in a water cooler consisting of ST’s just for me. I had so many laughs with Jason that I hardly knew what was happening until Coach Gibbs gave quite the halftime speech and I realized we were only up one. Cool under pressure as always, I didn’t sweat it and remained collected even though the Pesto was heavy in the stomach. Next thing I know we’re losing and Papa Al wants me warming up again, but I told him it wasn’t going to happen today and if he wants me saving this team like in the preseason he better switch me to #1a on the depth chart. Well, this one stung a little bit because I expected to celebrate a victory that night so I didn’t do much partying and simply brought the three girls into the hot tub with Chris and I. Tough week, and I shoulder none of this defeat.

Week 7 I didn’t expect to win so I’m not that disappointed by the result and I was glad for fellow Michigan alums Marlin and Cato. Chris scored a touchdown today so I’m sure we’ll celebrate that once we get back to DC. Other than that I didn’t warm up at all, and we’re now 2-5 and looking at a lottery pick which is kind of exciting because I’ve kept friendly with the Michigan program and know guys like Alan Branch and Leon Hall look up to me for guidance. Well, I’ll accept some of this loss, being a team player and all, and Mark played decently, probably since he is looking over his shoulder and seeing me.

Ok folks, that’s a quick recap of the football action. Stay strong Skinheads, just like this mai tai.

Todd Collins

# 15