In honor of this blog entry's title, I decided to change it up from the Cheesecake Factory and am currently sitting in the
Brickskeller drinking a few
brews and scouring down a cheeseboard platter. The atmosphere is less friendly right now but I’m waiting for the college crowd to come in.
So, TC, the Redskins are 3-6, practically out of the playoffs, why are you excited? Maybe that’s because I was named starting QB for the Washington Redskins!!!
Wait…Isn’t Jasmine starting in Tampa this week? That’s true, but it’s a long story and I’ve got some updating to do, so make sure to read on.
Week 8 was a bye week so I went to my Walpole High School class of 1989 reunion where it was great to see so many familiar faces. And as the family man I am, I decided to break away from the norm of hot tubs and the city lifestyle and simply break away and hit the slopes in Vail with Andrea and the family. It’s hard to get away when you’ve had my kind of success, but Vail offered seclusion and a chance for me to try snowboarding for the first time…man, what fun!
Week 9 was an “instant classic” that I’ll be sure to watch one day. It’s getting cold in DC so I had decided to move up the post-game hot tub to a during-the-game hot tub. It was a good decision, and with a two-at-a-time cheerleader rotation going, it still worked. I was glad to have my ST cooler indoors with me. Facing a tough Dallas team, with our backs against the wall and Marcy as our QB, we still were able to pull a victory out thanks to Nick Novak. I’ll tell you, that kid is some kicker. I came out to watch the last few seconds of the game after the roaring from you Skinheads kept me awake. I see Dallas has the ball with a few seconds to go. I figure we’re going to overtime so I’ll grab a hot coco and head back to the bench. But Adam gets beat long and sets up Dallas for a victory, but no! A block and a penalty later and we’re in field goal range. I don’t know why Coach Gibbs put in Novak instead of Hall, but it paid off and we’ve got one hell of a kicker and a victory. We really rallied for this victory and of course the post game celebration was a blast since Chris scored a TD. I returned the favor and 
brought Terry out into Adams Morgan that night where we danced salsa and La Habana Village until the early hours of the morning. TC is a modest man, but, as many ladies can inform you, I’ve got the rhythm of a human metronome.
Week 10 was by FAR the most exciting week of the season for yours truly. Yea, the game was kind of a rout and we proved that we aren’t that good of a team, but what occurred in the later stages of the game and after are truly remarkable. Let me first say that Todd Collins is a Wolverine first and will always be loyal to Coach Carr and the maize and blue. It has been known for weeks that I would be in Columbus, Ohio and on the sidelines for the Michigan/Ohio St. game. Therefore, I’ve talked to Coach Gibbs and Papa Al and let them know that I will not be attending the game in Tampa due to a prior conflict. Coach Carr truly believes that my inspiration can propel them past the Buckeyes, and I don’t disagree – it is my pleasure to motivate fellow scholar-athletes. But back to the Eagles game. We’re losing because Marcy can’t throw and our defense can’t defend, but then it happened…a voice in the distance calls “Collins, you’re up.” Now, I had been prepared for this so I studied the Eagles all week and made sure not to order Manny & Olga’s to the sidelines on this particular day. There’s 9:03 left in the fourth quarter and I have visions of the time Trent Green ate too many jalapeno poppers in KC. Well, Marcy…you’re benched (for the 5th time this year) and TC, it’s your team. I was throwing bullets on the sideline and smelled the endzone already. However, it’s pretty obvious to me that Marcy was paying our defense to consistently let up 
first downs and drain the last 9 minutes of the game. I never got in but it couldn’t hold me down.
Not long after the game, Coach Gibbs addressed the team and alerted them that I would be starting in Tampa next week. Imagine that, my hard work, practice, flawless grooming and witty charm had paid off and I was the starting QB for the 2006 Redskins! I told Coach to give me a few minutes to check my planner and I’d get back to him. Realizing that I had given my word to the University of Michigan and thinking back on the tens of thousands of dollars I received at Michigan, I had to decline the invitation to be your starting QB. Sorry Skinheads, but Jason is going to take my place for a week or two depending on the Michigan game, but don't worry, he's been learning a lot from me. Coach Gibbs and Big Al have tried to convince me to change my mind but my word is worth gold. However, I must admit they that they give a hard sell - they are impressed by my many tools as a NFL QB – laser arm, pocket presence, colgate smile, scrambling ability and must have finally realized that I don’t throw INTs and routinely put up a QB rating of over 100.
So there you have it, I am the starting QB, finally #1 on the depth chart and Marcy is down to number 3. I’m so glad I stuck it out as #1b. What do you know, my check is here…"this one’s on the house" says Cindy, it’s good to be me.
Your Starting QB,
Todd Collins
# 15
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