Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Entry #24 – Love Blossoms in Defeat

Hola senoritas and those of you senoras into the swinging lifestyle, it’s your man TC here on a mission to brighten up your long work day with a high quality dose of blogging on the second of six consecutive off days. Unfortunately, I have not made it to the Cheesecake Factory yet, since I am still in bed with a certain lady friend…

The trip to Wisconsin for the game against the Packers is always one of my favorites. Green Bay is a quaint little village filled with glorious history on and off the field. Most people know legendary Packers from Vince Lombardi to Brett Favre to.....the list goes on. However, many do not know that Green Bay was settled by Favre and the French-Canadians in 1634, making it the 13th oldest permanent settlement in the US, and that the surrounding Fox River was used as a military fort – TC is a scholar, an athlete, and a historian, so the rich tradition makes Green Bay a second home. Anyway, I must tell you that this year’s game was the favorite of my long and illustrious career. You might be saying, “Hey, TC, didn’t you notice that we lost and are now in third place?” Of course I noticed, however, the story surrounding the circumstances of our loss make this an easy pill to swallow.

The astute football fans that you are might have noticed that the Packers defeated TC’s Finest by a score of 17-14. It was a sloppy game due to the climate of Green Bay, which gets 2.17 inches of precipitation every October with an average high of 57.9 degrees. Now, a professional QB must battle such circumstances and Jason-Son did a good job of this by putting his balls right where they needed to be. However, our receivers did not come through like they did in the preseason under my guidance. The most unfortunate receiver was Santana Moss, who I was forced to bench in the 4th quarter.

However, even in a loss, TC is a man of destiny. I was doing the usual during the game – mentoring JC, calling the offense, drinking Shirley Temples, ordering Panera, playing with Papa Al’s puppy and calling my bookie. Right about the time I would normally take off for my pre-4th quarter nap, I noticed a cute little brunette in the 4th row right above the Redskins sideline. Since I can usually bag the finest kitten in the litter, my taste is quite picky. However, this girl was an 8 by TC standards – meaning she was around the same level as Alessandra Ambrosio and about two levels above Gisele. This femme fatale kept staring at me, playing with her hair and trying to send me paper airplane notes which were caught in the cool Green Bay breeze. Usually, TC would know what to do in such circumstances, but I got so caught up in the excitement of Wolverine great Charles Woodson’s game winning TD, that I had post game partying on my mind. Unfortunately, I figured it wasn’t meant to be, and my gimlets were a little more sour on this night.

I got a call from Amani Toomer after his fine performance last night. I had told him my story of lost love, and he needed to tell me that he had come across a Craigslist posting that might be of some help. As soon as I opened the following post - Click Here - I was floored! She had remembered me from the game! Furthermore, she described my exact outfit. I responded and she said her name was Victoria, and that she had been anxiously awaiting me since Sunday. So, TC had a bit of a date last night – we got some half priced burgers and $3 pints at “Sign of the Whale” in Dupont, followed by all night salsa dancing at Citron. I then took her back to my Georgetown estate where we stayed up all night and talked like high school sweethearts. When I awoke, Victoria was smiling at me, wearing my authentic Buffalo Bills jersey from my rookie year, plus Andrea had made us chocolate chip pancakes and turkey bacon with a mimosa. I don’t know what is to become of all this, but you’ll be the first to hear.

I must also give a quick mention of the great Michigan Wolverine football that ensued this weekend. First of all, the Wolverines are back in the top 25 after beating the Purdue Boilermakers by a crap load. TC might be the straightest man alive, but I’ve still got a mancrush on Mike Hart – and that’s before I knew of such noble and global causes he is involved in. Moreover, the Wolverines in the NFL represented with much pride – Tom Brady, Charles Woodson, Braylon Edwards, Amani Toomer, Brian Griese and Tshimunga Biakabatuka all had large weeks. I remember when I was at Michigan and helping with recruiting, Lloyd Carr, Gary Moeller and I took a trip to California to check up on a raw young QB named Tom Brady. As we boarded the plane back to Ann Arbor, Coach had written him off as a mid-major QB destined for a 9-5 office job. However, Tom reminded me of a younger TC that might grow up to greatness and a life of limited turnovers, winning championships and dating multiple supermodels. I convinced our staff to throw a scholarship his way as long as I personally tutored him upon his arrival. I knew that one day TB and TC would make a great pair.

Ok, well I fell in love, Michigan Wolverines did well, and the Redskins lost, but as I told Meatloaf, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. Anyway, don’t fear Skinhead nations, we’ll bounce back next week.

Todd Collins



Covering The Redskins said...

Pure F'ing Genius..
I am definitely going to pub this blog on my Friday show..
Bram Weinstein

Anonymous said...

It is satirical genius

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