Hey devout fans, T-Cizzle here with a recap of what’s been going on since our last blogging experience. Sorry that it’s been a few weeks, but I was boarding my private jet waiting outside of Fed-Ex around halftime of our apparent loss to the Giants to take advantage of the bye week. I’m a little tired and jet lagged from my vacation, so I’ve decided to bypass going to the Cheesecake Factory, and have instead brought the CF to me. Andrea called for some carryout and ordered me the always delightful Ahi Carpaccio and Jamaican Black Pepper Shrimp. To make the experience all the better, Andrea is wearing her new authentic CF skirt from the 2007 catalog…and she’s never looked better.
I must say that the week leading up to the Giants game is always one of my favorite weeks of the year. Before my NFL success, I was an academic All-American at the Mike Hart University, throwing bombs and landing bombshells with my favorite receiver, Amani Toomer. Like myself, Amani has put together a long and fantastic career in the NFL. Although we have always dreamed of playing together again with Mercury Hayes to my left and Amani to my right, it just hasn’t been in the cards. Amani arrived Tuesday night, and we held a private hot tub party at the Collins household after picking up a few locals at McFaddens which is becoming a little too easy. On Wednesday we went to Lima on K St, cause Amani likes to keep it classy on Wednesdays…although I must say that with all the European flavor in there, a blonde hair, blue eyed New Englander can feel quite out of place. However, after a few Gimlets, I was able to loosen up a bit, and became a hot commodity, much like a brunette in Sweden. The rest of the week was full of classy debauchery all the way up to game time. Anyway, Papa Al and Joe know that TC does not play the week that Amani is in town, and with the half-time flight already scheduled, it made much more sense to start Jason.
There’s no need to even repeat this, but TC is a team player. Even so, there is no denying my impact on the 2007 Washington Redskins. I’ve tutored Jason from a raw, immature, annoying, diaper dependent, young QB into the fine young man and decent QB he is today. Furthermore, my preseason two-minute drill victories and 100+ QB rating set the tone for our 2-0 start this season. Therefore, I am willing to shoulder some of the blame for the loss to the Giants. In an attempt to take the training wheels off of Jason’s proverbial bike, I asked him “can you handle this second half on your own?” Jason nodded, and I was on my way to Honolulu, Hawaii for my first of two annual trips. With the game in hand to the tune of a 17-3 lead, I boarded a jet plane and waved goodbye to all my fans and fellow Redskins. As far as I was concerned, we were 3-0, and I was the QB of a first place team. Apparently, Jason’s wheels fell off, but I knew he’d be a better QB for it.
Amidst the snorkeling, sky diving, wind surfing, scuba diving, hang gliding, mountain climbing and strip twister, I received a call from a panicked Jason. “TC, I don’t know what to do without you on the sideline man. As soon as you’re not around I start throwing incompletions and turning the ball over, even though you preach against it...I just can’t help it” I knew that Jason saw me as a father figure and much like an adolescent, he was rebelling. When TC was a young lad, his father often told him not to take opposing team’s cheerleaders under the bleachers before games. I loved my father, but he often missed my games due to business trips. Before the state semi-finals one year, I gazed into the crowd searching for the missing eyes of my father and instead found a cheerleader from the Foxboro Foxes. Needless to say, I understood Jason rebelling against my leaving town so much by not protecting the ball and behaving sinfully. I told Jason that he was forgiven, and that he should fly to Hawaii for the second week of my vacation and I would indulge him in a most intensive quarterback training session. Jason couldn’t believe his ears, wept a little and quickly boarded my little used second private jet.
As soon as he arrived I put him on a strict diet, tight schedule, made him wax my car and paint my resort house. I shared with him the secrets of the quarterbacking world that I learned from Elvis Grbac and Trent Green but had yet to pass along to any man. I opened a whole new world of 3 step, 5 step and 7 step drops, check downs, running the option, game day grooming, pointing towards god, pre-game cuisine, post-game parties, and the list goes on. I took Jason back to the plane on Saturday morning and gave him the ultimate honor, a shiny gold TC trophy for passing all his tests. I told him I’d see him Sunday and that I would arrive some time during the game in order to avoid a QB controversy…this game was all Jason’s.
The rest is Redskins history. Jason went 23 of 29 for 248, 2 TDs, 0 INTs and 0 fumbles. I also think I managed to inspire the defense in some way because we held the high octane Lions offense to just 3 points. What a great story and I’m proud of Jason-son.
In other football news, I wanted to acknowledge Brian Griese becoming the starting QB of the Bears. Griese was a very young lad when I was at the University of Michigan, but with late night sessions, I was able to mold him into a national championship QB. I must say though that Brian’s arrival might challenge our stranglehold as NFC favorites.
There you have it Skinheads. It’s been a relaxing and very proud two weeks. Anyway, my food’s getting cold and Andrea is ready to model the rest of the catalog. Take Care!