Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Entry #25: We are who they thought we were!

Hey all you out there in TC’s blogosphere. It’s your blonde bombshell TC here with my weekly Redskins and all things interesting update. It’s an exciting week for yours truly as I get to come back to my home state of Massachusetts and the fine foliage of a New England autumn. Therefore, I took a flight early Monday morning to my hometown of Walpole, MA where I still hold legendary status. To exemplify my greatness to you new readers – as a senior at Walpole High School, I was named New England Football Player of the Year by the Boston Globe. You can probably guess that I might have been a great QB in high school, but it was my junior year in which I averaged 18 points and 10 rebounds a game on the hardwood and went 10-0 as a pitcher that caught the attention of many local cheerleaders and national scouts alike. I was able to cement my legacy when I coached this year’s Walpole Little League All-Stars all the way to Williamsport, PA for the Little League World Series. However, I was rather disappointed when those kids let me down on national TV. (See Blog Entry #19). Even though I am mildly upset that I will not be blogging at the Cheesecake Factory for a second straight week, I’m very excited to be sitting at the Red Wing Diner off of Route 1 eating some famous homemade grapenut pudding that I once snorted after losing a bet as a young Walpole lad.

Walpole is located a few miles from where my beloved New England Patriots play. As you can imagine, this year has been one to remember for all us Patriots fans due to the weekly spankings the Patriots have been handing out. I’ve been very good friends with Tom Brady ever since I helped lure him to Ann Arbor. Tommy has been calling me all week about going to different clubs and hot tub parties, and describing all these models and cute co-eds he’s lined up for us. However, this trip serves me another purpose. You might have remembered that I met someone from craigslist - Click Here. Tomorrow, I’m taking Victoria to meet Mr. and Mrs. Collins and get the thumbs up from the ‘rents.

Let’s recap this week. Your favorite team and my second favorite team beat Steve Breaston, Gabe Watson and the Cardinals in an ESPN Instant Classic by the score of 21-19. You might have noticed my absence from the field on Sunday, but my presence was surely felt in other ways. I tried to let Jason do this one on his own as I was in the locker room with Victoria trying to learn my new love’s ways. Jason remembered some of our lessons, such as completing at least 64% of your passes (yours truly holds the record for the best career completion percentage in Michigan history - 64.28%). However, the no touchdowns and one interception were enough to demonstrate that the training wasn’t over. So, we’re up 21-13 when Tim Rattay turned in a very TC-like efficient game, going 1-1 with a touchdown and a QB rating of 118.8. Unfortunately, that meant that we were only up two points. One thing most people don’t know is that NFL radios work just like the CB radios that truckers use, but on different channels with each team using its own custom password. I recently learned this when Trent Green gave me the Dolphins password (Shula1972) during Week 1 so that we could reminisce about our playing days in Kansas City. My assignment for this game from Joe was to hack the Cardinals password – but it had escaped me to this point, plus I was busy with Victoria and ordering Chipotle in the 3rd quarter. Knowing our team was in dire need of a victory, I picked up the radio, tuned in to channel 19, and in a moment of divine intervention, I typed in “CrownEm” Next thing I know I hear Tim say, “coach, what’s the play?” Not knowing what I was calling, I said “Air Bud 81 Right.” Tim replies, “coach, we haven’t practiced this since I was signed two weeks ago,” to which I muttered quite sexily, “son, you will run this play.” So, anyway, the rest is history: Boldin takes the snap and creates a folly of confusion ending up in an interception to seal the game. Knowing my work was done and nothing exciting would follow (on the field that is), I took off for my Georgetown estate.

So there you have it – we're now 4-2 and in third place in the NFC East because Amani Toomer is an absolute stud on and off the field. In other news, you might have heard Joe say the play-calling was up to par after our explosion of 160 total yards. After hearing the press conference, I called Joe for my weekly Monday morning strategy talk. "Joseph, we got to open it up a little bit more. We can't sit on the lead when we have stats to pad. How is Jason ever going to improve his Madden ranking in the weekly roster updates when he's only throwing 7 times in the second half? I need some deep bombs to Santana like in my preseason start so that I can dominate my online play." Taken back by my prolific words and my hitting the nail on the head of the problem, Joe was forced to concede. Joe's not a flip-flopper but he is also not as far right-wing as the playcalling in the second half. So even though I am a team player, I will take credit for being Joe's "hindsight."


Finally, Brian Griese and Tom Brady continued the strangle hold on the NFL QB position that Michigan quarterbacks have held. I’d like to think that I helped Brian with his 97 yard game winning drive that was clearled modeled after TC's preseason performance and our late night study sessions in Ann Arbor.

So there you have it Skinheads. I’m off to La Casa de Collins for a King’s feast with Victoria. I’ll catch you next week after the battle royal between my two favorite teams.

Todd Collins

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Scott Bartz said...

I was just doing a browse of former Michigan QB's on Wikipedia and I found a link to your blog on there. And I'm glad I did. Very entertaining read.

As a diehard U of M it's nice to see your comments about other U of M football alumni. Nice work.

Go Blue!

James said...

Awesome work!

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