Sunday, December 16, 2007

Week 15: Live In Game Updates!

Recap: VICTORY! I've been telling you people all year that Todd Collins does not throw interceptions. Even on a windy and dreary night, TC puts the ball where it has to be - either in his receivers' hands or on the ground. I think it's safe to say that if TC isn't gonna throw an interception on a night like this, that this streak should survive another good ten years. I must now get ready for my post-game interviews, press conferences, college coeds in the meat packing district, and a late night run to Taco bell with Amani. There's two things that TC loves more than anything - winning football games and it's a good night.

11:34 -
Two-minute warning, and two minutes away from officially being back in the playoff hunt, and two minutes from TC being 2-0 since 1997.

11:27 -
Papa Al got a little conservative, but he's a clock management genius so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. It's getting a little cold out there around this time of night, so I don't so much mind putting on my big redskins jacket and taking a seat.

11:20 -
I don't wanna take too much credit...but TC was a little busy calling the defensive plays during that last drive.

11:08 -
TC got a reputation as the king of screen passes after setting the all-time career Michigan completion percentage record at 64.29%. Unfortunately, Ladell comes up a little bit short, and it's time to go locate that second half of the chipwich.

11:01 -
Been a little while, but I got a good power nap in before this drive, so we're gonna score. Smoot has been eating those power bars of his and breaks up a huge pass...might want to test those for performance enhancements of some kind.

10:55 -
These New Yorkers are getting on Amani about dropping these passes...but just remember that Amani and I are bff from Michigan. Amani knows that TC's got billz to pay, a new kid, and a free-agent contract coming his way.

10:51 -
Things are getting interesting now....but they wouldn't have been if Chris could handle balls like yours truly. Just heard that Madden's been talking about my ball-handling all night and it's making me a little uncomfortable.

10:40 -
Fake throw thing I invented did not work this time. TC is a team player, so I'll take the blame for that play...but not the two bad runs. Don't worry though, TC's leading this team to victory like Captain Jean-Luc Picard led the Starship Enterprise.

10:25 -
TC comes out en fuego in the 2nd half. A strike to Cooley, and a few runs while I'm resting my gun, and we're up 22-3. I hope Mark is taking some lessons on the sideline.

- Half-Time. The completion percentage is a little low, but the confidence is at an all-time high since we're winning by a 16- 3 score. As team captain, it's my duty to fire the boys up in the second half, so I shall give a Shakespearean half-time speech. I'll probably re-set my hair, brush the upper molars a few more times, and pick up some milk before Andrea notices I finished off the last carton, then I'll be re-charged and ready to go!

10:08 -
Papa Al has implemented the fake-throw and hand off play I designed in practice this week and it's averaging about 25 yards a carry....about time someone around here started listening to me. Even though I didn't throw too much, I'm gonna have to take credit for managin the clock, inventing that play, and dominating the two-minute drill.

9:47 -
My first TD drive as a starter since 1997! Man, that feels good. I'm clearly on my game right now and our offense is becoming a juggernaut in just my second week. TCriffic!

9:40 -
Ok, I just finished a few Long Island Iced Teas in honor of New York, and I'm ready to go on this drive.

9:35 -
The Final Countdown blares from the stadium speakers, and I was pretty confident that I'd lead us on our third scoring drive of the game. I'm a little worried at this point considering that Amani Toomer can explode at any point and make this a 7-6 game. A phenomenal punt sets them up inside their own 5.

9:23 -
The Todd/Todd (Collins/Yoder) connection will truly go down as the next Montana/Rice. A big pass to Santana sets up a scoring drive and we're up 6-0. I'm feeling good now so watch out for the next couple of drives.

9:13 - The QB rating is taking a little bit of a hit. The good news is that the interception streak is now another quarter longer. However, I've caught wind that Al and John are starting to get a little nasty towards TC.

9:05 -
An impressive scoring drive by yours truly and we're up 3-0. The old right arm is defrosting and I'm throwing world class passes once again. Give Cooley -4 on that one.

8:54 -
Ay dios mio. Santana was mugged! Anyway, Papa Al's got some great moves up his sleeves and a brand new jump suit on, so I think we're in good shape.

8:45 -
I put that one right in Clinton's hands, not much more I can do. It's ok, as I'm confident we'll score soon.

8:42 -
Giants go four and out and I've gotta leave the rest of this chipwich on the sideline...could have really used a first down there.

8:33 -
A little windy out there. Antwaan was clearly held at the line because the ball went to the spot I've been throwing it all week in practice.

8:30 - An exciting punt return by's go time. Don't bother wishing me luck since it's been my god given talent that's gotten me this far.

- About an hour before gametime. I've got quite the strict routine before games I start - I just got out of the hot-tub, got my pre-game massage from two lucky Giants cheerleaders, I'll brush my teeth until about 7:45, listen to jock jams on my ipod until 7:55, down two shirley temples cause it gets the system going, then at about 8:05 I'll comb my hair one last time, toss two warmup passes, and i'm ready to go. I look forward to blogging y'all after my first drive when we'll be up 7-0.


Reverend Rob said...

Make me a believer, TC.

I know you can smell victory (hints of currants, dark chocolate, and ... raspberry, is it?), now bring it home.

Rob said...

You are hilarious. Seriously.

Sean said...

Todd your looking good out there with your 0 for 8 ass!

Alex said...

nice play TC. finish up that chipwich.. mmm so good.

Alex said...

ok what's up with the cat links.. that's just creepy man.

Todd Collins said...

cats = awesome

bobby said...

whats up todd i thought you were up 16-3 to many long islands man

Patrik Stefan said...

I'm loving the cats

Anonymous said...

funny shit. enough with the cats tho.

tonymacq said...

Im studying in London and the shitty NFL pregame show mentioned yohr blog, your site is on the up and up

Todd Collins said...

Thanks for the head's up from London...good to hear.

Alex said...

ok NFC Offensive Player of the Week and new dad.. TC time for the TB like touchdown drive (you taught him everything he knows)

tommy said...

TC just can't help but win for us

Anonymous said...

lol this is great.

Warrior1971 said...

TC, I don't know if you watched the game last night, but if the Bears had any kind of offense they should have beat the Vike's. CP is going to have a tuff time running, so pretty much the game is going to be on your undefeated in 10 years shoulders. If London and the boys can control Peterson and you do what you normally do, I feel confident you can keep your streak alive. Your going to be in a dome, so no swirling winds to mess up your QB rating. You get the W this week and the Cheesecake and Diapers are on me.

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